I have been thinking for the past few days that the next couple weeks would be remarkably spontaneous. The last thing i expected was that circumstance would pull me back home. So where i am sitting, in the place i sought out to escape from, starting so long ago until my most recent escape. I have strange priorities, but atht the same time, they make perfect sense--My family, how long i stood on bad terms with them, is important to me now. When my mum called me this AM in a blistering panic, i knew i needed to come back and comfort her whether my grandmother was in a sustainable condition or not. Besides, i am sure my grandmother could use some, or all, of the support she can get.

It is like nothing has changed here. The sense of not belonging still lingers, but despite, i will most likely stay when i return in the fall. Regardless of the flaws this place has, it is a familiar place to base myself for many reasons; the most important being my family.

****

The overcast is scudding above, breaking into fragments and separating enough to let the sky show through. The light reflects off of the building's glass faces as beautifully as it ever has. I believe this is my most favourite place for this weather, and it is most definitely one of the more prestigious qualities of this measly downtown strip.


The foliage is now full, and i recognize an abundance of the faces moving up and down the street, but the unfamiliar strikes me with a curious wondering. The green is awesomely refreshing in the most familiar of ways. And then memory is shaken--I am brought back to the present as the pavement shakes from a passer's footsteps.

These embers lick my lips with such guilty pleasures, guilelessly guiding such a heart into a stupor of eternal plight. I who have seen so little, knows so much! i reach a state of euphoric bliss, eradicating all sorrow in such a serious gaze. I, who fails to feel and see so many wonders, knows exactly what it is that is set before me. God? The Devil himself? These figures are treacherous in their own ways--They mean not a thing to a mind who has reached a pinnacle of understanding in the praxis of modern modesty.

I rest in beds fit for only kings. I seek the breath of only angels. I eat only the most precious of food--All forbidden of the fruits. I wake in holy lights set down for only those who wait, and seek the caress of minds awakened.

Fury blinds and patience reveals the most reveling of pleas. I find peace not in jewels or any crucifix, but in the late rise of Luna from her place of slumber. I find satisfaction in only the most sensuous serenities, secreting secrets from lips to resounding minds through ears that peel with the wake of a sea.

I watch not sunsets, but the darkness swallowing the sky, my body a silhouette on the fall of a natural day. I see clouds wisping, covering into the greatest of storms. I witness birth, as i feel life slipping away with each passing wake. I leer from only what remains to this moment--Gazing, a crashing celestial body from sky to mirroring sea. I feel as if a child would who is brought love and gratification from mother each day.

I see not what certain fuss is about, but instead trust in what each moment has brought to intersect my path. Sometimes, parallel lines viewed from the side are one.

I taste only what i put into mouth these days; nothing more and never less. Sensation cannot be stolen, only the tools to maintain or create certain blockades of mind.

I, who has known too much without seeing enough, can tell the difference between life and death. This fragile scale is quite easy to tip..

I am wide awake in the triumph of hight. I write each line in the bleak lack of light. I am much more than can be seen, and few have felt what the really means.

The hight has erupted into illuminations, casting figures and colorful sensations never seen before, at least not in this reality. The shades and swirl of balance contort perception in all sorts of ways, manifesting a sense of such intense decay, when organisms eat away what has died so long ago, before this day--These days, our days.

Bless you Luna, so late to rise. That jagged side profile from bangs to bust, and the glowing arch of should and of neck. Your lips melt from crest to chin, and the flowing mist coming in from sea brings out your tantalizing eyes and sleek-slender cheeks.

seeking fleshy vestiges, forlorn and sorrowful fate always relates to sin in all but forgotten ways--Even then, they linger around and about. i carry weights unseen, words unheard, and tastes that tempt even the most tantalizing of hearts--To the overbearing day, and through night shine rise and sheen of moon, unsheathed from scabbards--Clouds' airy mist secreting from skin wretching from throat to floor. it spills the contents from the previous sun's begotten sky.

Agonizing! this rotting flesh is not enough for the Earth, for she desires much more than i have given thus far.

"Why let go of such a great mind so soon? Satan has not yet properly prepared to take you to his abode through death--You, dear, have not yet spilled enough of your glory onto the world around, and by being taken down so soon, our tyrant would be easily overthrown."

I will take whatever the devil has to throw my way! It will be converted to something great, for he has nothing on this folly heart of disdain. To him, i am feared greatly like man fears his very own demise. All of his treachury could never amount to what my words have the potential to convey.

Onward i trek, soon to wreck so many established steps--A pyramid of domination set to perpetuate what God has cast down upon us. You almighty chauvinist pig! I will spread my infections to inflict sickness on your system of saintly catechism and death.

"Bow or lose thy head!"

I choose not! I absolutely refuse, for i need not a head to slay your soul while your corpse rest in bed, while you slumber in that fortress at night. Artemis will slide me through the shades. Tantras of words will guide me to your absolute dismay! And, with but a sliver of that luminescent blade, i will strike and pierce your soulless heart.

We move at night.

an update? more prose/poetry

I await an awakening! This ego has tired long ago of such everlasting slumber! The momentum building here is growing restless to discomforting limits. Tedious? Not. Overwhelmingly frustrating at most times, but not without reason or purpose. Everything is quite luicd, but I seem unable to react to anything--At all, ever. Stale, that is what all sensation has grown to, until hours ago--Over a dozen as of now. I have finally seen and conceptualized why this shell is reaching the breaking point. Incubation has very little in store for this body's soul.

***

Mature. Reaching limits.
Dream, of something beyond.
Grow. Exceed all limitations.
Seek. Discover fabrications,
Admire or destroy the seams-
Re-order. Fit any desired purpose.

The mediums at disposal are infinate.
Disposal? No; Resourceful.
Create discreet amounts of waste.
Displace all intentions that get in the way.
Meaningless ambitions are to be tossed,
Let them dissipate and accept no loss.

Gains. Meant for futher insightful gloss-
A protecting layer dispatched from the heart.
A moss,
Grow always facing North.
Direct and guide in unheard of ways.
Although, silence can be just as effective
If given the chance to-

Relay, A sacred message,
Meant to convey all the best of intentions-
Maintaining sensation,
But keeping it from view-
Depending on the blightful sight
Of those who know not what to seek.
Keep a secret. Shush.
Lull.
Resolve will meet all that is saught.

La Crosse to Madison, cut short

La Crosse ended as an amazing experience. Charish and Joel were extremely accomodating in every way possible. Couch Surfing is definately a resources i will utilize in the future--A whole world of new culture and friends are just waiting!

I left LaCrosse sometime after Noon. My planned route was to take the LaCrosse River Trail, Sparta-Elroy trail, and the 400 trail. This is about 70 miles to Reedsburg, where i was going to be finding somewhere to camp. I figured this would be an easy and steady day: 70 miles the first day, 90 the next, and about 20-30 the third morning to Shari's place.

After the LaCrosse River trail in Sparta, it had stated on the entrance sign that the trail had been closed by the DNR. No reason why was listed, so i figured it was okay to just keep on going. At this time, i did not think of what the rains the days before would be doing to hilly terrain, and must i not forget, the local attractions. The spark about the Sparta-Elroy trail are the underground tunnels; The trail was converted from old an old railway line, including the tunnels through some of the hills. If i remember correctly, there are three of them, although i only saw the first. The first tunnel is about 9/10ths of a mile long. There are no lights once inside, and with normal weather outside, it is still very cool and wet the entire way through. I was told that water will drip off of the ceiling and down the cide of the tunnel into small canals, designed to keep water primarily off the walking path.

It was not just wet outside. This was in no way 'normal' weather. Even in LaCrosse, with the Mighty Mississippi, there was flooding off of the trail EVERYWHERE. Too bad i didn't think that this is why the DNR closed the trail. Onward i went through the tunnel, once i got into it. A small portion of the path was washed away, and a small stream needed to be waded through (it was puny, really. i took pictures. i will have them up in a week or so, unless i get another opportunity here in madison, which i doubt.)

The tunnel was not just wet, it seemed almost as if it was raining inside. Apparently, as stated before, the rains from the days before had taken their toll on the landscape. After 9/10ths of a mile, the most scary and exhilirating bike ride of my life--walking part of the way, and bicycling while clipped in the rest of the way--I found out why the DNR closed the trail: mud slides.

As i passed through a bundle of wet muck, and seemingly a misplaced stream, a couple on bikes asked where i was heading to. They advised that i get off the trail before the next tunnel. While i was soaked from walking through the water, tired from lifting my bicycle to avoid too-much mud contact, and enough mud on my entire bicycle up to the hubs to last weeks, i was told the next mudslide was FAR worse, mid-calf through mud at the easiest way through. This couple had to lift their bikes above their waist to avoid mud contact--something i am not capable of with a fully loaded bicycle.

Now, i was riding down the trail thinking of what the couple was telling me, soaked and full of mud. Shortly after the next town, but before the tunnel, I left the trail and climbed the hill on the highway that goes over the tunnel. I checked my map and was immediately irrate. I was on the road for over four hours and was not NEARLY as far along as i should have been. That is fucking it, i thought, only the road from here on out.

I covered almost as much distance in one third of the time on the road, regardless of much more hill there is to deal with. I didn't really mind. WHile climbing hills is not alwasy very much fun, they ALWAYS go back down. All hard work is paid off all the time.

I reached a small town called Union Center. I stopped to urinate and fill my water. I had two hours of touch biking left, atleast, to reach my mark. It was dark all to quickly. As i was preparing to leave, i noticed in the fork in the road i was needing to travel on, visible from the gast station, that the highway i needed to take was detoured...in the opposite direction. I checked my map, estimating which way it could go. The easiest way it could go, taking county roads (which, for the record, it didn't.) was atleast two hours out of the way. FUCK.

I asked the gas station clerk, who also works with the ocunty, how far out of the way the detour went. Exact response, "It doesn't really matter, that road is closed all the way down to Reedsburg. Most of it is under water, especially LaValle"(the town inbetween where i was and Reedsburg, where if you remember, i needed to sleep). So even if i did go around, i would have to sleep somewhere very wet, go atleast 45 miles out of the way, battle 35 mph winds the next day from the direction i was going, and travel even further then planned all while trying to beat the next storm, moving in the next evening. Essentially, i would have to travel much further in perilous conditions, and have no way to avoid the storm(which, if you HAVEN'T heard on the news, is fucking up everything. haha).

Fuck that. I called Shari and she picked me up, having to go 40 some miles out of the way to get where i was, based on the flooding and such. I filled her gas tank, and am still forver in her debt. I have arrived in Madison early.

HAPPY 21 TODAY SHARI!

Minneapolis to La Crosse

Saturday I was done biking by about 5pm. I had that aching sensation that comes before rain, so i found a suitable elevated yard, and then asked the man that lived there if i cou8ld camp on the edge of his property. He said that was fine, and also offered me directions to a park in the next town and the option of setting up my tent in his new-age barn--or a shed, as he called it. I was happy with his yard, so i unloaded and set up as promptly as i could. He had come to talk to me a little bit, and had said he didn't think it was going to rain. it was "too light out" still, and it seemed like the clouds were shifting. But i knew, i just knew. As soon as i was in my tent with all of my gear, it began to rain. It was very light at first, but before long, it was really thunder storming. It hardly stopped until 930AM on sunday.

The pattering of the rain was a subtle comfort, something i have missed, but on occasion the thunder, lightening, or strong gusts of wind would be very unsettling. The dog that lives with this family at just hung out next to my tent all night. It was very interesting, hearing it stir and rub up against the tent every now and again. I knew i was safe with that creature there.

I slept from about 545pm saturday to 830 or 9pm. then, i slept from about 10ish PM until 9AM the next morning, on and off, waking often as usual. Regardless, I slept for a very long time. I saw no point in getting up if it were raining, so i decided there would be no moving until it stopped.

Earlier that day, I said goodbye to Jenna, and was on the road by about 930AM. My temporary farewells to Minneapolis were then, and then passing through St. Paul was a different experience. Interesting, the Twin Cities, how the atmosphere is completely different from one to the other.

The weather was not quite as i expected on Saturday, and it was very bright. I had my sleeves rolled up and what was left of my pasty white arms became very red, irritated, and burned. I was able to get sunblock on before the burns became too severe. That, with a healthy dose of Aloe, have kept my skin from peeling. This is a big deal to me, seriously...

The ride was either extraordinarily pretty or immensely depressing, based on either forest or crop fields. I was not riding along the Mississippi river like i had wanted to, so there was not as much scenery to view as i had hoped. But, i shouldn't complain, because there was plenty to view. It is good to see more than just the beautiful to fully understand the grand scheme of things.

There were no unpleasant dog excursions throughout the day, but i did panic a little bit when a car was riding too close on the shoulder line. I jerked and shouldn't have, but did, weave off of the road a little bit. Typically, it is easy to come back on to the shoulder from the gravel, but there was a decline into a steep ditch and the gravel was very soft. my weight could not be supported, and i fell into the ditch, catching my self in the muck and grimy water with my right forearm. I had gone through the motions in my mind before, expecting to eventually fall like this, so i unclipped my right foot (which is very instinctual for me at this point. sometimes i go through the motion when i stop even when i am not wearing my cleats) and held the bike from toppling aver me with my left foot and leg, catching the backside of my bicycle with my left arm. I came out of that ditch unscathed, but i am sure that if i did not stop my bike it would have rolled over me at least once, leaving me in a very uncomfortable position.

It was nice to be able to stop and take long rests on this ride, and even with the long breaks i would have made it to la crosse a day early! On sunday, after the rain had stopped, i packed up and set off for as far as i could get. I would stop often to water up and rest, and even took two long lunch breaks. after the second lunch break, i knew i was going to get rained on, because the clouds moving in were scary....and i was not far enough to set up camp. i double-checked to assure myself everything was adequately prepared for some serious rainfall. Although this day was the scenic ride, i was saturated to the max. It rained, and i biked, and it rained harder, and i biked. it was great, in a dreadful kind of way. okay, so it was just great, except i worried about my guitar(which is fine).

It became very hilly as i approached the river, and i had reached a destination of mine very early. it was only 5pm, and i had already reached winona....not even three hours from lacrosse. as i went through winona, all i could think of was how beautiful it was (even in the rain). I could see some serious potential, and immediately wanted to move there.

i had called the lady i was going to be staying with in la crosse, asking if it was okay for me to come a night early and stay for two nights, but she had not answered, so i just left her a voice mail. i was going to just hang around or get as far as i could until i heard back from her.

Going through downtown Winona to the bridge i needed to cross was exciting, especially when i got the bridge. "BRIDGE CLOSED". great. the only alternate would be to cross over by la crosse, on the INTERSTATE, which i was avoiding. terrific.

i was randomly biking around downtown, trying to think of what to do, when i finally decided to stop at a cafe to ask for directions. just as i was getting off of my bike, a young man with dreadlocks came out. he immediately was interested, and asked me where i was coming from. The normal routine of question/answer came out, but the whole time i was thinking that i already knew this kid.

"i think i've met you before."
"where are you from?"
"Appleton, WI."
"I've never been there before, but i have been to oshkosh for..."
"Derrick Jensen! You were there, i met you at so-and-so's house!"

And a beautiful relationship commenced. he showed me the bicycle co-op in winona, and we just chatted about all sorts of things. he said he could totally help me out with food and a good place to stay for the night. Out of the deal, he cooked, i showered, and then we just hung out and talked about everything before his friend came home. It was his friends place, so she stayed up with us and talked a bit. She made rhubarb crisp, and we ate it. It was delicious.

Eventually we slept, and the next morning we dispersed after eating. Later on, i was hanging out at the bike co-op with some random punk rock kids, and then the other friends i made came and hung around for awhile. as fun and as stimulating as that was, i felt like it was time to go to la crosse. apparently, there was a ferry crossing the river by the bridge, helping people out for free(or a small fee?) who needed to commute across the river and such. Well the coast-guard decided to say that what this person was doing was illegal, and for every vehicle that was carried across the river, they'd charge 3500(0?) dollars. either way, that is a crock of SHIT.

My other option? take Minnesota highway 61, which turns into I-90, which crosses the river. Talk about intense. The highway itself was fine, you get used to that, but crossing the river on a two-lane (each way) interstate, while trying to take pictures, is fucking scary. there is NO SHOULDER on the bridge. I thought it was funny, after my life was less in jeopardy from putting the camera down.

eventually i made it into lacrosse, and my couch surfing host is basically awesome. I learned some basic gardening skills, and then we washed vegetables and cooked yummy vegan food, and all was right in the world. She is super awesome to talk to/hang out with, and her and the husband(who i haven't met yet) are totally just telling me to make myself at home. i even get my own room! it's pretty exciting. This is definitely another strike to both my "lucky stops" and "great meals".

(i lacked on picture taking on the first two days, but today i made up for it by taking a shit-ton of pictures of the river and bluffs. i will posted them at a later date)